


Bloopers

by BC_Brynn



Series: Love & Logic [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Outtakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-16 15:22:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4630275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BC_Brynn/pseuds/BC_Brynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Champagne

**Author's Note:**

> This flotsam sprang up spontaneously along the creation of the horrible monster that is Falconry. Most of them are probably only funny after the third glass of wine.  
> You have been disclaimed.

“And do you know the one about Vulcans? How do Vulcans do it?”

She must have been even drunker than Len, because she just giggled and shook her head.

Len pulled out his most deadpan voice to deadpan: “ _Logically_.”

Her gigglesnort was interrupted by a dry: “You are in error, Doctor.”

Len scowled at the pointy-eared hobgoblin. “Damn it, Spock, it’s just a jo-”

“Vucans do it to the _best_ of their ability.”

The bastard walked away. Len would have probably stood there staring at his back for a while yet, only Jim turned up out of nowhere and muttered something that sounded like ‘burn’, so Len glared thataway.

Jim grinned at him. “They really, really do.”


	2. Brandy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the thing is, when I write, I’m not always exactly sober. Case in point.

“Bones, Bones, I just realized what this is! VCE! _Vulcan Conservation Effort_. You know what it is?”

“What, Jim?”

“SPEW!”

“… maybe don’t have another glass, Jim.”

“No, no Bones! Early twenty hundreds’ classic lit! Harry Potter! It’s the _Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare_!”

“You know what, Jim? I’ll have the glass if you don’t want it. Hmm, maybe I really should cut you off…?”

“Killjoy. You wouldn’t know quality extremism if it made off with your last bottle of Saurian brandy.”


	3. Vodka

“Rest assured, Jim-”

Spock, the allegedly emotionless Vulcan, could actually do a perfect Mona Lisa smile.

“-considering that a _wilful betrayal_ would barely be capable of harming the bond, your episode of overwrought concern had no deleterious effect.”

Jim slurped his virgin Sex on the Beach. “So… in Standard, you’re tolerant of and amused by my temper tantrum.”

“I am gratified to see that you have not been stripped of your disarming candor and instances of utter self-absorption.”

Jim slurped some more. He wasn’t pouting. That was just his lips sucking on the straw. “…you’re telling me I’m selfish.”

“Jim, we are both of us greatly selfish. We put this feeling before our duty – and when our duty is to seek out new worlds and new civilizations-”

“For explorers and adrenaline junkies like us, that does sound pretty self-serving.” Jim smiled his version of the Mona Lisa smile, which was less mysterious and more just fear-inducing.

“Indeed,” Spock replied, unaffected by Jim’s smile, which basically labeled him as clinically insane. “Although, Captain, considering that my body does not produce adrenaline, may I suggest the use of the word ‘adventurer’ instead?”

“Yeah, Cantrell wrote something about hormones. Speaking of-”

In all fairness, they did turn up on time for Alpha shift on the next day. If barely.


	4. Marrow

Carol bemusedly stared at the people around her, trying to retrace the conversation and figure out where she had lost the plot. “I thought the Commander and Lieutenant Uhura… oh.”

“Yeah, _oh_.”

Jim gaped. “How can anyone be that behind on scuttlebutt? She’s been on board for a week now…” He didn’t want to have a cause to reevaluate the newest Weapons Expert’s observational abilities this early into the mission, and that was without taking into account the fact that she was an Admiral’s daughter. A discredited Admiral’s daughter, sure, but ‘discredited’ didn’t mean that he didn’t have a lot of friends in the Starfleet Command left.

Too bad that Scotty, Riley, Fitzpatrick and O’Donnell couldn’t man Engineering by themselves.

“Hmm…” Nyota tapped her chin with one finger and thoughtfully regarded Jim and Spock. “Strangely, looking at you through the eyes of a stranger that can’t actually read just how besotted the both of you are… you are not exactly demonstrative. I can see how most of the ship doesn’t know – beyond a few rumors.”

“Spock’s a Vulcan,” Sulu deadpanned.

“But the Keptin is never been much discreet,” Chekov pointed out.

Spock raised an eyebrow. “In my experience, the Captain is much more discreet than what security demands, and much less so than would be prudent.”

Jim grinned. Spock had him pegged. Heh, _pegged_. Now, if only he could orchestrate some privacy for them…


	5. Bloopers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments, kudos and bookmarks on this series. This should be the last installment (for real, I mean it this time). Enjoy.
> 
> Brynn

“ _Nam-tor la-wak tan_ ,” Jim claimed.

“ _Nam-tor la-wak ta’an_ ,” Spock argued, gazing into Jim’s eyes.

Jim laughed. “The present is a present is a present.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Has this become a game of wit?”

“Too much math there to make it a word game,” Jim professed, shrugging one shoulder.

Spock contemplated for a few moments. His eyebrow gradually sank until both were in alignment. Eventually, he decided on saying: “Lowercase oh, underscore, zero.”

Jim’s jaw dropped. “That was so meta of you…”

“I applied the logic of-”

“The three-dimensional chess,” Jim filled in breathlessly. Then a blithe grin spread over his face. “Less than three, Spock.”

There was a pause, while the audience tried to wrap their heads around the exchange. Then Spock flushed viridian, and most of them decided they did not want to know.


End file.
